Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Dream A Little Dream.

Welcome back :)

When I became pregnant, my husband and I decided not to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. We wanted it to be a complete surprise. The only reason I could think of in regards to finding out was then I would know what coloured clothes to buy - and that wasn't a good enough reason for me, plus sometimes the doctors get it wrong anyway.

I'm sure for those of you who have had children, people always ask, "do you know what you're having?", and for me it felt really good being able to say that I didn't. Besides one other couple in our prenatal class, we were the only ones who were not going to find out. To be honest, I was a little shocked by this. I thought more people would want to be surprised. It's like one of Mother Nature's magic tricks, except there's no hat, as such, and it's a baby instead of a bunny :) Each to their own.

Over the years I have heard many women, usually of my mother's generation, talk about how they "just knew" whether  they were having a boy or girl whilst pregnant. Things were very different then and such information was not so readily available. So strong were their feelings that some of them even bought clothes or linen of a particular colour before the baby was born. Gutsy. I always thought to myself..."yeah, I'm sure I'll have those feelings too"......nope. I had absolutely no idea if I were carrying a boy or girl. People would ask and that is what I would tell them. I admitted to few that I would like to have a girl, but I didn't have any feelings of certainty either way. Or so I thought...

On quite a few occasions in my life, I have had instances where I "just knew". It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it's as clear as reading it on a page or seeing it played out before me. Most of the time it's instantaneous One moment the knowledge isn't there, the next it is. Sometimes it's relayed in a dream. I am one of those vivid dreamers whose mood for the whole day can be influenced by a dream from the night before - whether it be happy, sad, funny, intriguing, whatever the case may be.

A lot of women dream more, or remember their dreams more vividly, when they are pregnant. For me, it didn't seem all that different so I wasn't surprised when I started to have baby dreams. They didn't start until maybe the fourth month or so and usually involved arms or legs. Quite a few times I would dream that my baby was trying to escape through the front of my stomach. I'd look down and an arm would be stretching the skin outwards like something from Alien. Other times a leg would be dangling where it shouldn't be or I'd suddenly go into labour and, not being able to stop the baby from coming, give birth within a few seconds - if only that were how it worked.

I would have dreams about both girls and boys. But what I failed to realise then was the difference between them. Whenever I had a dream about a girl, there was always something really odd about her. In one dream, I gave birth to a three year old. She even had pigtails. I then somehow went to a BBQ soon after (as you do in dreamland) and she was running around the garden. I turned to my sister in law and said..."I don't think this is right. I don't think that's my baby"....she replied with..."don't worry, that's how the Italian ones come out". (My husband is of Italian descent).

Whenever I had a dream about a boy, he was always a tiny little baby. He would always be so snug and quiet and content - not to mention the right age, immobile and without teeth. In the mindset of wanting to have a girl, I woke up one morning after one of these dreams and felt as though I already knew this little boy baby. It was just a very comfortable and confident feeling....but I ignored it!

After my mum passed away and I was going through her things, I found a tiny little dress that had been made especially for me. I must have worn it when I was about a year old. I kept it and when I became pregnant I washed it and hung it up - thinking that if I did so, I would have a girl. But every time I saw it hanging there, something just didn't mesh. I felt a little stupid. I ignored that too. Whenever I would go shopping to buy clothes for my baby, I would stop and look at all the cute little pink outfits with flowers, butterflies and kitty cats. I never bought anything and I was never tempted to. I didn't bother questioning myself as to why.

It wasn't until a day or two before having my son that I knew he was a boy. It just started coming to me and I started thinking that I would be very surprised if it were a girl. The night before he arrived my dad came over. It was my birthday and he also had something for the baby. I opened it up and it was a rattle, some booties and a beanie - pink. That is the very moment I knew I was having a boy. I looked at these little pink things and thought to myself..."what am I going to do with this?". My dad, however, was 100% certain...."I just have a feeling", he said....

So, needless to say, I was not surprised at all when my son arrived. And I could not have been happier. Having a baby, for me, was not about having a boy or a girl, but about having a baby. If I am blessed with another child, I may just pay a bit more attention to my intuition. I don't know why I didn't in the first place. My little boy bunny was there all along :)

See you soon...

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